Hatred

Hatred is so prevalent in America. We hide it from ourselves and from our peers, but it's there. It's in our hearts, and our attitudes, it's in the way that we treat others. Confusion often leads to hatred, and that's something that I understand. But it's not my job to hate. It's my job to love. Even the things that I question and don't understand and am insecure about, I am called to love. This includes homosexuality. This includes atheists. This includes obnoxious people that drive me totally bonkers. I am called to love each and every one of them and leave any necessary judgement to God.

I told a friend once that I am so grateful that I am not called to judge, because that is a hefty responsibility, one that I would hate to have resting upon my shoulders. And yet, I'm so quick to do it. I'm so quick to look at a girl's outfit and label her promiscuous. I am so quick to talk to a person and label them stupid, or annoying, or evil, or cocky. I am so quick! I told my sister once that making judgements isn't wrong, it's being unwilling to let go of your initial impression that's bad; that making judgements is human nature. But I was wrong. Judgement is a habit, just like lying, just like pride, just like vanity. It's a habit and it's a sin that needs to be broken. I judge. I wish I didn't, but I do. I catch myself doing it constantly. So lately I've been thinking about how to break this pattern. And I've come upon a few answers. Prayer. And practice. Isn't that the answer to nearly everything? Prayer--breaking my heart open for God to see my selfishness and my insecurity and my sin. Being willing to admit that I need help and guidance and maybe even punishment. And then practice. Recognizing the sin when I commit it and actively replacing it with a compliment. I have decided that every time I judge someone in my mind, I want to turn that around by complimenting them, a genuine compliment, that I say to their face. I'm not sure if this will help, but I hope it will. Practice makes perfect, right? And if I actively practice finding the good in people, I hope that I can remove at least some of the judgement.

However, it does lead me to wonder where all of this judgment and hatred comes from. And I think that it goes back to my own insecurities. I am so insecure. I sometimes find myself bitterly resenting my family because I fall so short of where they stand. I am not successful. I am not driven. I am not brilliant. I am not dedicated to giving back. I am not rich, not "the boss," not a doctor, not anything. It's times like this, though, that I thank the Lord that He doesn't look at successes to measure who I am. By some crazy miracle (aka the awesome grace of God) He picked me! If it were my choice, I'd be the last I'd choose because I am a sinner. I am constantly sucked into Satan's trap and I find myself letting go, giving in, and letting sin sneak into my heart. And yet, here I am. Struck dumb by the Grace of God. So in return for this precious gift, this amazing awesomeness, I will try to spread the love and eliminate the hatred. Wish me luck!