Humility

I've been working a lot lately on being more humble. The other day, I was trying to gauge whether or not I am succeeding when it occurred to me that...I don't really know what it means to be humble. Humility is one of those buzz words that Christians throw around as a desirable goal and a necessity to being a good person. I think that we all have images inside of our head of what humble is or someone that we perceive as being humble. Often, when I think of humility, I think about a woman (I can't even remember her name!) that Laura is friends with. After she had her baby, Laura took me with her to drop of a present for the new spawn. While there, we were talking and Laura and she began talking about baby massages. I didn't know what they were talking about so I tuned out much of the conversation. Later, in the car, I remember Laura saying to me, "She is so humble- she knows much more about [baby massages] than I do and yet she let me explain to her everything I knew and asked questions as if she didn't know any of the answers." For me, that sort of became my image of "humble" and the goal. Unfortunately, I seem to be hardwired to try and have all of the answers rather than all of the questions, which sort of collides with the goal I had in mind. But I do think that humility is important. Heck, the word's mentioned often enough in the good book that it must be something that the Big Man cares about.

Like any good student, I decided to do some research so that I can create a more tangible goal and understanding. Here's what I found:

First off, I'm not humble. That one was easy.

I chose to focus the rest of my attention primarily on the word humble because a) it's an adjective, which means that it's an acquirable trait that can be applied to a person and b) humble is actually used more often in the bible than any other form of the word.

Humble has 5 different accepted definitions:

1. Not proud or arrogant; modest
2. Having a feeling of insignificance, inferiority, subservience, etc. 
3. Low in rank, importance, status, quality etc. 
4. Courteously respectful
5. Low in height or level; small in stature. 

Hmm. Well I am going to go ahead and discard definitions 2 and 3. Here's why: I know for a fact that God wants us to be a very best, regardless of what we're doing. He says so in 2 Corinthians 8:7: But as you excel in everything--in faith, in speech, in knowledge, and in all eagerness and in the love from us that is in you--make sure that you excel in this act of kindness too. And against in Colossians 3:23: Whatever you do, work at it with all your hear, as working for the Lord, not for human masters. So number 2 is out. God doesn't want us to be less than we can be, He wants us to be the best that we can be. We are strong through him, not insignificant. I'm throwing number 3 out for pretty much the same reason. God is blind to rank, status, and quality so I think that it's safe to say that simply by being poor or quitting my job and working as a servant, I won't automatically become humble. I'm sure that the experiences  could be humbling, but not the act or label in and of themselves.

Which leaves us with 1) Not proud or arrogant; modest; 4) courteously respectful; and, 5) low in height or level; small in statues. Well being 5'1, I'm going to say that I've got number 5 down PAT! Yahoo! So we'll go ahead and throw that one away as well (:

Not proud or arrogant; modest; and courteously respectful. These are good words. But it still doesn't feel like enough for me. I also can't believe that God threw the word into the Bible as often as He did because he was looking for someone that can be summed up in a few short words. It's a good starting point, though. Hopefully you agree because I'm going to swing at this from a slightly different direction now. I decided to go ahead and take a look at the most common contexts that the word humble is found in and, by looking at collocates, I found that humble is often associated with words like:

• servant
• quiet
• modest
• honest
• proud (as in, not)
• civic
• obedient 
• kings
• wise
• gratitude, polite, gentle, generous, apologetic, mighty, unassuming, hardworking, contrite, self effacing, meek, awed, grounded, blessed, charming, and so many, many more good, strong words. Also potato, because it can't be ignored. 

I like those words. Those words, for me, create an image. A woman that embodies those words is strong and powerful. She is wise and yet unassuming. She is modest, quiet, and obedient and also hardworking and grounded. She is contrite when she errs. She is awed by God, Jesus, and the world around her. She is blessed. She is charming and she laughs and loves and is honest. She sounds pretty amazing, right? If that's what humble is, what humble looks like, that's where I want to be. I want to be a woman that is wise and mighty and grounded; obedient and kingly.

I feel like I have a much better understanding of what humility looks like and now, when I read it in the Bible, it's a goal that actually means something to me. It's amazing and beautiful and any advice or direction that God can give me in terms of how to get there is much appreciated because I am not quite there yet (see: on the opposite side of the planet from there!).

In the same way, you who are younger, submit yourselves to your elders. All of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, because, “God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.”

[On humility:] For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you.

I served the Lord with great humility and with tears and in the midst of severe testing by the plots of my Jewish opponents.

Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience

Ah man. Don't those just take on a whole new meaning now? They sure do for me. Humble. I've got a long journey ahead of me and I am so, so blessed that God will aid me in all of my shortcomings and walk the long walk with me.

Overall, I count this unpacking of humility a SUCCESS!

Ouch.

I just thought that I would share that I have a cut on my leg that is officially infected and poison ivy covering about 75% of my body. Yeah. Awesome Monday.

Something cool

I did something cool last night. I prayed about the future. This may seem commonplace for anyone else, but it is BIG NEWS for me. This is what I consider a BIG STEP. For real. I don't pray about the future because I want to think that I'm in control of the future. Refer to previous posts and recognize that this is something that I'm working on. BUT-last night, without really even thinking about it, I asked God what His opinion was. Not only that, but He was the first person that I asked! So far, I'm waiting for answers. I'm trying to open my eyes so that when He answers I'll recognize it. Even if He doesn't answer the way that I want Him to, I think that I'll still do it again.

 I'm happy. It's been awhile since I felt anything but blank, so happy is a good change. Content. It feels good. I think that it's the running. Maybe the praying, too (:

I'm just being

Damn, this woman just amazes me. As I spend my days worrying about whether or not I'll have time to eat before class (usually no), if I should change my major (which I've pretty much decided to do! Yikes!), and if I should buy a new pair of jeans before winter comes full force (yes, but where?!), she WON her battle against cancer! Her spirit just amazes me. I should have been the one encouraging her through her horrific journey and yet her patience, her grace, and her love of life and Jesus has continued to awe me in the months that I have been reading. Seriously, this woman has got a lot of God living inside of her heart. I have never even met her and I want to be more like her!

I take comfort and joy in the fact that God is giving me the struggles that He wants me to have. If He wanted me to fight cancer (I pray not), He would send it at me and give me the tools I need to deal with it. Fortunately for me, I'm thinking about jeans and work and majors and looking forward to the future. I still struggle with depression a lot of the time but I am so grateful that I spend a lot of my time just happy and being. I love just being. It's my absolute favorite state of mind. I love sitting down with a cup of coffee and just thinking about my accounting homework. I love running. I love that I have carved out a time to spend reading the Bible every evening and that the verses and words are sticking with me throughout the day. I love that I have a Bible verse written on my hand right now because I just couldn't leave my room this morning without taking it with me. I'm happy and I'm being. I'm living in the moment but looking forward to the future.

That's it. That's all I've got to say.

I'm going to start blogging more. I got caught in this trap that I should only blog if I have something "inspired" to say and then I realized that that's just dumb because I don't have time to be "inspired" and have deep thoughts. I'm too busy being. So I'm going to write more about how I'm being.

She is clothed in strength and dignity; she laughs at the future to come.