Romans 8:38-39

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, ³⁹ neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord

For many years, I was crippled with doubt and filled with anguish. I sought after the Lord, but just didn't feel it. I knew that I was supposed to feel this mysterious it, this power of the Spirit, the swoosh of my God filling my heart- but I didn't know what that looked like or felt like. I just knew it was missing. Have you ever tried to understand something that cannot be explained? Something that even once you have it, cannot be described? I was wandering around int the dark, desperately patting the walls for a light switch, a match, anything. I knew that my God was out there somewhere, and I just couldn't find Him. I knew that the man called Jesus had died for the sins of the unworthy, and I knew that I was unworthy, but had He did for me? I didn't know. I understood the idea of God and Jesus in the abstract, was able to hold a decent conversation chronicling His attributes, and dutifully subscribed to an daily e-mail Bible reading assignment (and actually read the passages, most of the time), but I just wasn't there. I was not a Believer in the one place that mattered: my heart.

And then, for a reason I really can't remember now, I stumbled upon Romans 8:38-39. This was my "aha" moment. My life as I knew it was over. Gone was the doubt. Gone was the anguish. Looking back now, it's like God slipped His hand into my heart and brushed it all away with the swat of His palm. I read the verse and what I heard was "I am here. And I am here for YOU, Mary Emily Molly Herbert. I own your heart, regardless of what you think and do and now matter how many doubts you have, you are mine and I am yours and nothing will ever change that."

I'm sure that I have dramatized the moment in my memories. But really, I'm just saying that because I don't want to be the crazy person that admits to hearing voices. The truth is, that verse saved my life. That verse was God's way of cracking my heart open wide and setting me free. That day, I became a Believer. To this day, I read this verse regularly. Shockingly, I don't have it memorized-I've been working on that but I am the world's worst memorizer. Seriously-I'm like a gold fish. But every time I read that verse, I am rejuvenated. That verse is like a promise between God and myself: Through the thick and the thin, the happiness and the anger, the doubts and the hatred and the worries, we're in this together. Nothing will ever be able to separate us, absolutely nothing. Dang, I've got an amazing God. I worship Him and I am glad!