On Being Single...fast forward

Almost two years ago, at the beginning of this blog, I wrote a post about my feelings regarding being single. They weren't so great. I waxed lyrical on my desire to be a couple, have a partner, so on and so forth. It's times like this that I realize how incredibly smart I am to keep a blog (patting myself on the back). Seriously, though, one thing that I really struggle with is taking a step back from myself and seeing the way that God is working in my life to change me. Comparing the blog post from two years ago to the one that I am preparing to write right now, though, really allowed me to see the changes so clearly. I cannot express in words how grateful I am to have a loving God that is willing to work within me and that allows forces me to grow and mature. Any-who. Onto my new and improved views on being single.

Honesty disclaimer: I still want to get married! It's still my greatest desire in this life. Sometimes I see a baby, and my ovaries weep with jealousy*. Just so that's clear.

*Thanks for that awesome phrase, Joanna. Since I read it on your blog, I think I've used it at least 100 times to describe various situations. I love it. It's so eloquent!

Honestly, though, in the past few years I have found so many things to be joyful about while being single. Mostly, time. I love that my time is my own and I love the ways that I have dedicated that time. I love that I have the time to cultivate deep, lasting, loving friendships, both new and old. I love that I can spend a whole weekend with Laura or hours sitting in a Starbucks chatting with a new friend. I love that I can sit and read books for a whole day...or more. I know it seems backwards, but I love that I can throw myself wholeheartedly into my work. The other day, I worked several hours longer than I had intended. I was productive, I was engaged, and I felt accomplished afterwards. While I still think about having a family--often--I find myself more at peace than ever before with where I'm at right now. I'm being productive with this time: I'm growing. I'm growing as a Christian, as a woman, and as a professional. Just as often as I pray for a family someday, I give thanks for this time and these opportunities. I also give thanks that it's God running the show because I seriously would have screwed the pooch by now. Never in my life have I been so happy to trust in the Lord and His direction for my life. And never in my life have I truly trusted, as I do in this moment, that God has the perfect plan for me and that, regardless of my actions, it will come to fruition.

I've had a lot to be thankful for lately. Right now, I'm thankful that I have the opportunity to see the growth in myself. It gives me the encouragement that I often need when I feel discouraged or overwhelmed or just plain weak.