Just what I love to hear...

...from my professor on the first day of class:

1) I listed your textbook under the wrong section of this class online (so no one knew that we needed a textbook)

2) The textbook is only available at the NAU bookstore...and it's going to cost $120.

3) Don't worry about writing in the book or tearing out pages. I'm only teaching this class this semester so there's no way that you'll be able to resell it. It's going to be virtually worthless 15 weeks from now.

Yeah. Thanks for that. Oh college, how you try my patience!


On a higher note, I was walking back from class one day and overheard this conversation:

Mom (carrying little boy about five or so): You're clinging to me like a koala bear!

Little boy, laughing: Color bear!

Take my word for it, it was cute. Made my day.

It's a Girl Thing

Over the past month, I have had the opportunity to talk "body issues" with nearly all of my friends and it has really made me think...do I have them, and are they important? In my not-so-expert-opinion, every person, male or female, has body issues. It's unavoidable to some degree, particularly in our society, which is so consumed with images of perfection. Particularly as females, we are inundated with "should bes." A woman should be skinny. A woman should have large breasts-but not so large that they draw too much attention to herself. A woman should wear makeup. A woman should be fit, but not too fit. As a Christian woman, these "should bes" only increase-instead of decrease. A woman should not be obsessed with the way she looks BUT, at the same time, should be constantly wary of how she looks. A Christian woman should be modest. She should be demure. She should be, should be, should be! There are so many things that I should be that I often can't see what I am.

Thanks to genetics and a healthy amount of exercise, I am skinny. And yet, when I look in the mirror, I see flaws. I see chubby thighs and a pudgy stomach. I see arms that are too muscular. Also thanks to genetics and a doctor's prescription, I have clear skin. And yet, I see old acne scars that makeup doesn't quite cover up. I see the fact that I don't know how to put on makeup, thanks to a tomboyish adolescence. And yet, I think that I have a healthy body image...most of the time. And other times, like today, I realize that my body image isn't just unhealthy, it's deplorable. And that's not because I think that I'm chubby or skinny or anything else. It's because I forget that my body is not mine. My job is to use everything at my disposal to glorify my God. And being consumed with the way that my body looks is certainly not glorifying, it's prideful. When I worry about my body, it's because I am pursuing the approval of man and not the glory of God. It's all about a change of perspective. Right now, mine is skewed...but I'm working on it. 

Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious.  -1 Peter 3:3-4

Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body. -1 Cor. 6:19-20




Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. -Proverbs 31:30

Sentimental (or not)

I'm sitting in my bedroom right now and realizing that, at the end of this week, this is probably the last time that matters that I'll be in my house. By the time I come back during Spring Break, the big ol' girl will be emptied out and, hopefully, put on the market. Craziness. Although this isn't the only house I lived in growing up, we've been here since 1996, making it the only house that really counts. And while I'm sad that things are changing, I'm not at the same time. I'm excited for my parents. I'm excited at the prospect of my growing up and really leaving the nest. I'm excited to get rid of stuff. Sometimes I feel so bogged down by stuff. We call it sentimental, we call it important, we call it memories, we call it nicknacks but it's all just clutter really. I'm not a minimalist by any means. There are certainly things that I'm keeping simply because they carry significant memories: my childhood books, my "puff the magic dragon" snow globe, my Scamper the Penguin VHS tape. But going through all of the bedrooms and storage closets is really making me think about what's important and what's not. My mom sent out an email that mentioned that it's good to have me here because I"m not sentimental, which is true, but doesn't really explain where I'm coming from. I have lots of people tell me that I'm not sentimental but, the truth is, I'm not sentimental about stuff. Some stuff matters. Some stuff doesn't. But what really matters are the memories and the emotions and the experiences. All of the stuff, that's just a representation of what really matters. So I think that it's okay to keep some of the little nicknacks that remind us of the memories but I think that it's even more important to remember what the nicknacks represent. I believe that we take the memories with us when we die, or, at the very least, we leave them as our legacy. The stuff...it molds. It's sold at garage sales. It disappears in a move. It doesn't matter.

Unfortunately for me, my mom and I are not quite of the same wave length which means lots...and lots...and lots of BOXES! Let the fun begin (: 

Plans

Times like these, when I'm pouring over my accounting textbook, absolutely certain that my entire life and future hinges upon my grade in this one single class and on this one single final, it's good for me to remember that the Lord has plans for me. Plans to prosper and provide for me, plans of hope and a future. It's good and hard at the same time to remember this. Good because it brings an immeasurable amount of comfort to my very soul. Hard because I want to make my Father proud, even though I know that it is my heart, not my works or my grade on a test, that forges our bond. Also bad because in my head, I know that I don't have control. I mean, I have control over this test- the amount that I study, how hard I have worked over the course of the semester. But I don't have control over the course of my life. I don't know what the future holds for me. I'm still a little kid, I don't even know what I want to be when I grow up. But I do know that the Lord has plans for me and, while I'm incredibly nervous, I know that it's going to be awesome. And tomorrow, when I walk into my accounting exam, palms sweating, that is what I want to remember, not equations or memorized formulas. My life doesn't hinge upon this test or any other test that the future brings. My life hinges upon the amazing sacrifice that Jesus made for me and, regardless of anything else that happens, that's all that matters. Thank you, God. Still. I hope I do well on this flipping test.

Humility

I've been working a lot lately on being more humble. The other day, I was trying to gauge whether or not I am succeeding when it occurred to me that...I don't really know what it means to be humble. Humility is one of those buzz words that Christians throw around as a desirable goal and a necessity to being a good person. I think that we all have images inside of our head of what humble is or someone that we perceive as being humble. Often, when I think of humility, I think about a woman (I can't even remember her name!) that Laura is friends with. After she had her baby, Laura took me with her to drop of a present for the new spawn. While there, we were talking and Laura and she began talking about baby massages. I didn't know what they were talking about so I tuned out much of the conversation. Later, in the car, I remember Laura saying to me, "She is so humble- she knows much more about [baby massages] than I do and yet she let me explain to her everything I knew and asked questions as if she didn't know any of the answers." For me, that sort of became my image of "humble" and the goal. Unfortunately, I seem to be hardwired to try and have all of the answers rather than all of the questions, which sort of collides with the goal I had in mind. But I do think that humility is important. Heck, the word's mentioned often enough in the good book that it must be something that the Big Man cares about.

Like any good student, I decided to do some research so that I can create a more tangible goal and understanding. Here's what I found:

First off, I'm not humble. That one was easy.

I chose to focus the rest of my attention primarily on the word humble because a) it's an adjective, which means that it's an acquirable trait that can be applied to a person and b) humble is actually used more often in the bible than any other form of the word.

Humble has 5 different accepted definitions:

1. Not proud or arrogant; modest
2. Having a feeling of insignificance, inferiority, subservience, etc. 
3. Low in rank, importance, status, quality etc. 
4. Courteously respectful
5. Low in height or level; small in stature. 

Hmm. Well I am going to go ahead and discard definitions 2 and 3. Here's why: I know for a fact that God wants us to be a very best, regardless of what we're doing. He says so in 2 Corinthians 8:7: But as you excel in everything--in faith, in speech, in knowledge, and in all eagerness and in the love from us that is in you--make sure that you excel in this act of kindness too. And against in Colossians 3:23: Whatever you do, work at it with all your hear, as working for the Lord, not for human masters. So number 2 is out. God doesn't want us to be less than we can be, He wants us to be the best that we can be. We are strong through him, not insignificant. I'm throwing number 3 out for pretty much the same reason. God is blind to rank, status, and quality so I think that it's safe to say that simply by being poor or quitting my job and working as a servant, I won't automatically become humble. I'm sure that the experiences  could be humbling, but not the act or label in and of themselves.

Which leaves us with 1) Not proud or arrogant; modest; 4) courteously respectful; and, 5) low in height or level; small in statues. Well being 5'1, I'm going to say that I've got number 5 down PAT! Yahoo! So we'll go ahead and throw that one away as well (:

Not proud or arrogant; modest; and courteously respectful. These are good words. But it still doesn't feel like enough for me. I also can't believe that God threw the word into the Bible as often as He did because he was looking for someone that can be summed up in a few short words. It's a good starting point, though. Hopefully you agree because I'm going to swing at this from a slightly different direction now. I decided to go ahead and take a look at the most common contexts that the word humble is found in and, by looking at collocates, I found that humble is often associated with words like:

• servant
• quiet
• modest
• honest
• proud (as in, not)
• civic
• obedient 
• kings
• wise
• gratitude, polite, gentle, generous, apologetic, mighty, unassuming, hardworking, contrite, self effacing, meek, awed, grounded, blessed, charming, and so many, many more good, strong words. Also potato, because it can't be ignored. 

I like those words. Those words, for me, create an image. A woman that embodies those words is strong and powerful. She is wise and yet unassuming. She is modest, quiet, and obedient and also hardworking and grounded. She is contrite when she errs. She is awed by God, Jesus, and the world around her. She is blessed. She is charming and she laughs and loves and is honest. She sounds pretty amazing, right? If that's what humble is, what humble looks like, that's where I want to be. I want to be a woman that is wise and mighty and grounded; obedient and kingly.

I feel like I have a much better understanding of what humility looks like and now, when I read it in the Bible, it's a goal that actually means something to me. It's amazing and beautiful and any advice or direction that God can give me in terms of how to get there is much appreciated because I am not quite there yet (see: on the opposite side of the planet from there!).

In the same way, you who are younger, submit yourselves to your elders. All of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, because, “God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.”

[On humility:] For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you.

I served the Lord with great humility and with tears and in the midst of severe testing by the plots of my Jewish opponents.

Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience

Ah man. Don't those just take on a whole new meaning now? They sure do for me. Humble. I've got a long journey ahead of me and I am so, so blessed that God will aid me in all of my shortcomings and walk the long walk with me.

Overall, I count this unpacking of humility a SUCCESS!

Ouch.

I just thought that I would share that I have a cut on my leg that is officially infected and poison ivy covering about 75% of my body. Yeah. Awesome Monday.

Something cool

I did something cool last night. I prayed about the future. This may seem commonplace for anyone else, but it is BIG NEWS for me. This is what I consider a BIG STEP. For real. I don't pray about the future because I want to think that I'm in control of the future. Refer to previous posts and recognize that this is something that I'm working on. BUT-last night, without really even thinking about it, I asked God what His opinion was. Not only that, but He was the first person that I asked! So far, I'm waiting for answers. I'm trying to open my eyes so that when He answers I'll recognize it. Even if He doesn't answer the way that I want Him to, I think that I'll still do it again.

 I'm happy. It's been awhile since I felt anything but blank, so happy is a good change. Content. It feels good. I think that it's the running. Maybe the praying, too (: